Mismatched libidos

Mismatched libidos, or desire discrepancy, is extremely common in relationships.  Although most of us realise that every one is different, when it comes to sexual desire we often assume that our partner will want sex as much as we do.   When either partner wants more, or less, sex then the other, it can be a frustrating and hurtful experience for both people.

It is important that couples are able to talk about sex openly and honestly. Sex does not mean the same thing for every person and we all have different attitudes, beliefs and values about sex. Talking about sex can be incredibly challenging for many people so it’s important to be gentle and kind.  It is good to try to approach the subject of sex with curiosity so that you listen attentively to your partner and ask questions rather than assuming you know what they think. This will make sure conversation remains open and honest so you can support each other to find solutions.

We are often good at assuming things about our partners. You may think your partner is controlling or doesn’t love you but they might also think the same thing. Such assumptions can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation.  Good communication is essential but is can also be challenging for many couples.

Sex therapy can support couples to develop these necessary tools and skill to talk about sex honestly and openly with the kindness and care. When people feel heard and understood by their partners, this immediately increases intimacy. Increased intimacy is the first step to working with sexual desire.

There are many tools and resources to help create intimacy and desire in a relationship. Every couple is different so if this is an issue in your relationship it is well worth seeking the support of a qualified sex therapist.